FIVE YEARS LATER

i was running the other night and experienced some serious déjà vu.

déjà vu, from french, literally “already seen”, is the phenomenon of having the strong sensation that an event or experience currently being experienced has been experienced in the past, whether it has actually happened or not. -wiki

don’t worry, i’m not going to get all freaky deaky on you all. i was on my run and all of a sudden i felt the urge to stop. i was actually pretty thankful for this little break as it was about halfway through my run and i was tired and more importantly, it was stunning out and i was very excited to capture a pretty pic for instagram. but after i captured the photo i found myself just thinking i had been in this exact situation before. and then i remembered, i had…almost five years ago i had stopped mid-run in this spot. ok, that’s a bit freaky deaky… 

looking back on that day five years ago, i was a broken girl. a broken girl who was stupidly looking for affirmation in guys. i was eager to be in a relationship so i found myself going after guy after guy (even though they were clearly not the right moG for me..)

in this particular memory of five years ago, i found myself stopped mid-run on the breakwater trying to catch my breath. in the mini crisis i was having i found myself crying out to God. and you know what? He met me. that night after i ran back home, i crashed onto my bed, turned on worship music and just cried for God to fill me. and you know what? He did. He reminded me that He was closer than breathing, that He was there for me, that He was my God and it was going to be ok. He was good, He was faithful and He was true.

five years later I am reminded of God’s faithfulness. i’d love to say that i never had a mini crisis again but i had many, many more and much larger. though as i have aged, i have found that God has grown. His presence has become larger. His faithfulness has become clearer. He’s closer than He was before. five years later, i have found Him bigger.

“Aslan” said Lucy “you’re bigger”.
“That is because you are older, little one” answered he.
“Not because you are?”
“I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger”.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Prince Caspian: The Return to Narnia

i’ve often looked at aging in a negative way. wrinkles, fatigue, less strength. but now i’m starting to look at it more clearly. aging now equals knowing Jesus more. and really, is there anything better than that?

"I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. ⁸ Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” -philippians 3:7-8 nlt

my prayer is that as you grow you will find God bigger in your life than ever before. that you will find His faithfulness larger. that you will find Him closer to you than ever before.

love you to the moon & back,

s.s.♥.